Senior Sex

An old woman in a Nursing Home looks up one day to find an elderly man looking down on her. She smiled and asked him what he wanted. "To get straight to the point, I know we are old and can no longer pleasure in sexual activity, but I was wondering if you would help me." "Of course," she smiled. "I was wondering if we could take a wander down to the park and if your could hold my penis for a while." The old woman saw no harm in it, so she agreed. Since then they made it a regular occurrence, and every day the two elderly people sat on the park bench and she held his penis. One day, the woman went to the bench, but the man was not there. Feeling hurt, she looked around for him. To her amazement, she saw him and another woman- SHE was holding his penis! "What does SHE have that I don't?" She screeched. He looked up at her and smiled. "Parkinsons" he replied.

Verbal Skills

A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: "Duh."

Santa Can't Be A Man

• Men can't pack a bag.
• Men wouldn't be caught dead wearing red velvet.
• Men would feel their masculinity is threatened... having to be seen with all those elves.
• Men don't answer their mail.
• Men would refuse to allow their physique to be described, even in jest, as anything remotely resembling a "bowlful of jelly."
• Men aren't interested in stockings unless somebody's wearing them.
• Having to do the "Ho, Ho, Ho," thing would seriously inhibit their ability to pick up women.
• Finally, being responsible for Christmas would require a commitment.