The Trouble With Some Women

The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing and then marry him.

Office Baby

One of the girls in the office where I work is going to be having a baby.
I just haven't decided which one yet.

Stolen Car

A man walks out of a bar, stumbling back and forth with a key in his hand. A cop on the beat sees him, and approaches, "Can I help you, sir?" "Yesssh! Sssshomebody ssshtole my car!"  the man replies. The cop asks, "Where was your car the last time you saw it?" "It wasssh at the end of thisssh key!"  the man replies, logically, if a bit too literally. About this time the cop looks down to see that the man's member is being exhibited for all the world to see. He asks the man, "Sir, are you aware that you are exposing yourself?" The man looks down woefully and without missing a beat, moans "OHHH GOD . . . they got my girlfriend too!!!"