Share this joke via Email (Step 2)
Share this Joke on Twitter
Registered Users Only
Registered Users Only
Get link for other Social Networks
- Home
- Popular Jokes
- New Releases
- Joke of the Day
- Browse By Category
- Browse Writers
- Contests
- Submit Joke
- Contact Us
- Info
All rights reserved.
- Home
- >
- Categories
- >
- Sex Jokes
- >
- Private Parts
Sex Jokes - Private Parts
Unusual Case
Unusual Case by William A. Morton, Jr, MD From "Medical Aspects Of Human Sexuality" July, 1991 p.15 Scrotum Self-Repair.
One morning, I was called to the emergency room by the head ER nurse. She directed me to a patient who had refused to describe his problem other than to say that he "needed a doctor who took care of men's troubles." The patient, about 40, was pale, febrile, and obviously uncomfortable, and had little to say as he gingerly opened his trousers to expose a bit of angry red skin and black-and-blue scrotal skin. After I asked the nurse to leave us, the patient permitted me to remove his trousers, shorts, and two or three yards of foul-smelling stained gauze wrapped about his scrotum, which was swollen to twice the size of a grapefruit and extremely tender. A jagged zig-zag laceration, oozing pus and blood, extended down the left scrotum. Amid the matted hair, edematous skin, and various exudates, I saw some half-buried dark linear objects and asked the patient what they were. Several days earlier, he replied, he had injured himself in the machine shop where he worked, and had closed the laceration with a heavy-duty stapling gun. The dark objects were one-inch staples of the type used in putting up wallboard. We X-rayed the patient's scrotum to locate the staples; admitted him to the hospital; and gave him tetanus antitoxin, broad-spectrum antibacterial therapy, and hexachlorophene sitz baths prior to surgery the next morning. The procedure consisted of exploration and debridement of the left side of the scrotal pouch. Eight rusty staples were retrieved, and the skin edges were trimmed and freshened. The left testis had been avulsed and was missing. The stump of the spermatic cord was recovered at the inguinal canal, debrided, and the vessels ligated properly, though not much of a hematoma was present. Through-and-through Penrose drains were sutured loosely in site, and the skin was loosely closed. Convalescence was uneventful, and before his release from the hospital less than a week later, the patient confided the rest of his story to me. An unmarried loner, he usually didn't leave the machine shop during lunchtime with his co-workers. Finding himself alone, he had begun the regular practice of masturbating by holding his penis against the canvas drive belt of a large floor-based piece of running machinery. One day, as he approached orgasm, he lost his concentration and leaned too close to the belt. When his scrotum suddenly became caught between the pulley-wheel and the drive-belt, he was thrown into the air and landed a few feet away. Unaware that he had lost his left testis, and perhaps too stunned to feel much pain, he stapled the wound closed and resumed work. I can only assume he abandoned this method of self gratification.
Note: William A. Morton is a retired urologist residing in West Chester, Pennsylvania.
- 1
- 2
- 1
Hernia Operation
One doc operated on a person for a hernia. He opened his testis, took the balls out and set them on the table. At the end of the operation he wanted to put the balls back into the scrotum. He searched the operating room but could not find the balls of the patient. He told nurse to get two small onions from his lunch box as he cannot keep this poor man's testis pouch empty. After the operation, he met the patient in a garden for morning walk. Being a good doc, he asked his patient how he is feeling. The man said "Doc everything is fine! Life is good except that whenever I scratch my balls, my eyes start watering."
- 0
- 1
- 1
Women with Weapons
The media have grotesquely skewed the public image of women who choose to own firearms. Unfortunately, such exposure can affect one's self-image. This test is offered in the hopes of putting these false images into a more proper perspective.
Please circle your answers to each below:
1. What is the real meaning of that pink T-shirt with a revolver on it that says: "The ultimate in feminine protection" ?
a.. Obviously a plot by seditious gun fanatics from the NRA.
b. I'm amazed the pigs have no law banning women's T-Shirts.
c. A 9 mm for "light days" and a .44 Magnum for "heavy days".
2. For rape and assault prevention, a whistle is:
a.. All you'll ever need.
b.. Like I'd use yet another phallic symbol.
d.. The signal to open Fire.
3. The movie "Thelma & Louise" was:
a.. An insidious plot to stamp out femininity and glorify violence.
b.. A male ploy to encourage further suppression of women.
c.. A training film.
4. What was technically wrong with the scene in "Thelma & Louise" where the two women disarmed a Texas State Police Officer.
a. Tacky, tasteless, and altogether gauche I mean pointing guns; let alone taking his icky, disgusting gun for their own use.
b. Only thing I saw wrong was that it took two sisters to disarm only one man; not realistic at all.
c. The dummies left a perfectly good shotgun clamped to the dashboard of the cruiser.
5. A mouse runs across the kitchen floor. The proper response it to:
a. Climb onto a high stool and scream for a man to help you.
b.. Is it a male mouse or a female mouse ?
c. Link up the belt feed to the M-60.
6. You are discussing the local crime stats with your neighbor, Ralph, who suggests you buy a .25 caliber pistol for defense. You reply:
a. Never! A woman who buys a gun has humiliatingly surrendered to the evil ethos of mindless brute force!
b. Yeah, like I'm supposed to stand there and let old fat gut Ralph leer and drool like he usually does. Men are such pigs !
c. Only to plant in the dead hand of the next little weasel stupid enough to give me whimpy advice like that!
7. What is your reaction to the concept of a bra holster ?
a. Obscene ! The icon of death with the symbol of nurturing.
b. What's a bra ?
c. As long as it doesn't get in the way of my shoulder sling.
8. Define "male."
a. The first syllable of "malevolence," which in turn is only one letter short of "male violence."
b. An animal with a one track mind. A brute who feels the need to try to control, suppress, double-talk all women everywhere.
c. A quaint anachronism, once useful for protection of females, but rendered obsolete by contemporary firepower.
9. Where, in the scheme of things defensive, do such spray products as Mace and CapStun belong?
a. Nowhere! If you just show your attacker compassion and understanding, you won't need nasty things like that.
b. Yet more products of questionable effect manufactured by the male dominated industrial complex to make women feel somewhat secure.
c. In the medicine cabinet; real women use mace instead of Feminique.
10. You are cornered in your home by a knife-wielding intruder. He ignores your command to halt, and charges you with the knife upraised. How many shots should you fire?
a. None. It would be better to die or submit than sacrifice moral victory by using deadly force. How unseemly and gauche.
b. As many as I had, assuming the male dominated firearms industry would sell me a gun; or let alone ammunition in the first place.
c. A minimum of fifty shots. Hey, how often do you get a chance like that to express yourself, and get in touch with your feelings?
Grading the Exam
* If 8 or more of your answers were "1": This indicates you're a true pacifist. Perhaps the meek will indeed inherit the earth someday, as it is written, but only when the rest of us are done with it.
* If 8 or more of your answers were "2": Hey babe -- you're stuck in the 60's sweetheart. Loosen up! A full 12.7% of you chicks have good jobs and make almost as much us men now. I mean like ... What more do you want outta us poor males ?
* If 8 or more of your answers were "3": Don't feel too bad. Society may not yet have a place for you, but Hollywood will, as soon as they start casting for the lead role in "Bride of Rambo".
- 0
- 1
- 2
