Italian, Black, and a Jew

Three best friends are at the corner bar on a Friday night as usual. One of them is an Italian, one is Black and the other is Jewish. They are sitting around drinking some beers, and they make a wager. They bet who can make love to their wife and make her scream the longest. They agree to return next week and compare. Next week, they all arrive at the bar at the usual time with smiles on their faces. The Italian guy says, "I definitely won. I took my wife out to dinner, bought her roses, then took her home and made love to her. She screamed for an hour." The black guy says, "Man, that's nothin'. I cooked dinner for my wife, and for dessert I poured honey all over her and made love to her like never before. She screamed for two hours." The Jewish guy chimes in, "I got you both beat. I made love to my wife for 3 minutes, pulled out, then wiped my schmeckel on the curtain. She's still screaming!"

Better than Sex?

1. Chocolate satisfies even when it has gone soft.
2. You can safely have chocolate while you are driving.
3. You can make chocolate last as long as you want it to.
4. You can have chocolate even in front of your mother.
5. The word "commitment" doesn't scare off chocolate.
6. You can have chocolate on top of your desk during working hours without upsetting your co-workers.
7. You don't get hairs in your mouth with chocolate.
8. With chocolate there's no need to fake it.
9. Chocolate doesn't make you pregnant.
10. Good chocolate is easy to find.
11. You can have as many kinds of chocolate as you can handle.
12. With chocolate size doesn't matter.

The Cat And The Milkman

Little Lucy went out into the garden and saw her cat Tiddles lying on the ground with its eyes shut and its legs in the air. She fetched her Dad to look at Tiddles, and on seeing the cat he said, as gently as he could, "I'm afraid Tiddles is dead, Lucy". "So why are his legs sticking up in the air like that, Daddy?" asked Lucy as she fought back the tears. At a loss for something to say the father replied, "Tiddles' legs are pointing straight up in the air so that it will be easier for Jesus to float down from heaven above and grab a leg and lift Tiddles up to heaven". Little Lucy seemed to take her Tiddles death quite well. However, two days later when her father came home from work Lucy had tears in her eyes and said: "Mommy almost died this morning". Fearing something terrible had happened the father shook the girl and shouted, "How do you mean Lucy? Tell Daddy!" "Well", mumbled Lucy, "soon after you left for work this morning I saw mommy lying on the floor with her legs in the air and she was shouting, "Oh Jesus! I'm coming, I'm coming!" and if it hadn't been for the milkman holding her down she would definitely have gone, Daddy".