Mailman Christmas

I'm a mailman. At Christmas this year, blonde Mrs. Jankowitz met me at the door and invited me in for a great breakfast spread. After I ate, I thanked her and she said, "There's more." She took me to her bedroom and showed me moves I had never imagined. I told her I had no idea she felt this way. She said, "I don't." I ask, "So what was all this about?" She says, "I asked the husband what to give the mailman." He said, "Screw the mailman! Breakfast was my idea."

Perfect Day

HER PERFECT DAY:

• 8:45 - Wake up to hugs and kisses
• 9:00 - 5 pounds lighter on the scale
• 9:30 - Light breakfast
• 11:00 - Sunbathe
• 12:30 - Lunch with best friend at outdoor cafe
• 1:45 - Shopping
• 2:30 - Run into husband's ex - notice she's gained 30lbs.
• 3:00 - Facial, massage, nap
• 7:30 - Candlelight dinner for two and dancing
• 10:00 - Make love
• 11:30 - Pillow talk in his big strong arms

• 10:00 - Wake up
• 10:02 - SEX
• 10:10 - Big Breakfast
• 11:30 - Drive up coast in Ferrari with gorgeous babe with big hooters
• 2:15 - Enormous lunch with BEER
• 3:15 - SEX
• 3:25 - Play sports with the guys
• 4:30 - Drink BEER with the guys
• 6:30 - Meet Claudia Schiffer
• 6:40 - SEX
• 6:50 - Huge dinner, more BEER
• 8:00 - Fall asleep with BEER watching TV while dreaming of having SEX with Claudia Schiffer
• 11:00 - Full on, get down, gorilla SEX, more BEER
• 11:10 - Sleep
• 2:30 - Fart

Blonde Mother-to-Be

The young blonde bride made her first appointment with a gynecologist and told him that she and her husband wished to start a family. "We've been trying for months now, doctor, and I don't seem to be able to get pregnant," she confessed miserably. "I'm sure we´ll solve your problem," the doctor reassured her. "If you'll just take off your clothes and get up on the examining table." "Well, all right, doctor," agreed the young woman, blushing, "but I'd rather have my husband's baby.