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The best jokes and joke writers!

Speed Limit

Q: What's the speed limit of sex?

A: 68 because at 69 you have to turn around.

Dirty Nurse

Q: What do you call a nurse with dirty knees?

A: The head Nurse!

Misunderstood

My coworker was eating an ice cream cone on her lunch break when she caught me staring at her. "Hey what's up?" she said. "Oh nothing, it's just that I want to ask for something but I'm afraid you'll misunderstand me," I replied. "Haha don't worry, I won't," she said reassuringly.

"I wanna lick it," I said. She quickly extends the ice cream cone to me, to which I said, "I knew you'd misunderstand."

Blowing Chunks

Three guys were talking one morning about how drunk they were at this party they were at the night before. 1st guy: "Man, I was so drunk that last night I got home and blew chunks."  2nd guy: "Oh yeah? Well, I was so drunk that on the way home I was pulled over and given a DUI!" 3rd guy: "That's nothing. I was so drunk that on the way home I picked up a prostitute and my wife caught us in bed!" 1st guy: "No, no.. you guys don't understand! Chunks is my dog."

Nuns Waiting to Get Into Heaven

A group of nuns died and are at the door to heaven. The guard explains to them that because they were supposed to stay pure while they were on Earth, only the ones that haven't touched a penis could go in.  The ones that were left outside had to make a line and one by one put holy water on the part of them that had touched a penis.

The first one only places her finger in the holy water. The second places her hand in the holy water. Then they hear a commotion as a nun tries to get to the beginning of the line and is stopped by the guard who asks her, "What is going on?" And the nun replied, "I just wanted to gargle first before Elena puts her ass in!"