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Sex Jokes - Oral Sex Jokes
Coming Out
A young man, in the course of his college life, came to terms with his homosexuality and decided to "come out of the closet." His plan was to tell his mother first; so on his next home visit, he went to the kitchen, where his mother was busying herself stirring stew with a wooden spoon. Rather nervously, he explained to her that he had realized he was gay. Without looking up from her stew, his mother said, "You mean, homosexual?" "Well...yes." Still without looking up: "Does that mean you suck men`s penises?" Caught off guard, the young man eventually managed to stammer an embarrassed affirmative; whereupon his mother turned to him and, brandishing the wooden spoon threateningly under his nose, snapped: "Don`t you EVER complain about my cooking again!"
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The Ongoing Note
Joe woke up one morning with an enormous boner and looked for his wife, but she had awakened and was preparing breakfast in the kitchen. Joe was afraid he might spoil things by getting up, so he called his little boy and sent this note to his wife: THE TENT POLE IS UP, THE CANVAS IS SPREAD. THE HELL WITH BREAKFAST, COME BACK TO BED.
The wife answered the note and sent it back by the boy. It read: TAKE THE TENT POLE DOWN, PUT THE CANVAS AWAY. THE MONKEY HAD A HEMORRHAGE, NO CIRCUS TODAY.
So he sent another note down. It read: THE TENT POLE'S STILL UP, AND THE CANVAS STILL SPREAD. SO DROP WHAT YOU'RE DOING, COME GIVE ME SOME HEAD.
To which she replied: I'M SURE THAT YOUR POLE'S THE BEST IN THE LAND. BUT I'M BUSY RIGHT NOW SO DO IT BY HAND!!
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Weight Loss
One day a boy approached his mother with a question. "Mom, how come every night I hear you and daddy fighting and yelling, but when I look in your room you're on top of each other?" His mother, very surprised, replies; "Honey you know how fat daddy is, I'm jumping on top of him to help him lose weight." The boy knows that's not working and tells his mother why... "Mom that's not going to help, because the lady next door comes by after you leave for work, and blows him back up again!"
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