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Sex Jokes - Masturbation Jokes
Old Women at the Movies
Two old ladies are at the movies. "Psst," says one old lady. "I think the guy next to me is beating off." "What makes you say that?" "He's using my hand."
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Governor's Halloween Party
One Halloween the governor was giving a costume party. All the gentry were there and as they arrived the doorman would announce what there characters were. When one couple arrived he announced "Mickey and Minnie Mouse". As the next couple arrived he announced "Tarzan and Jane" and so on as each guest arrived. Later in the evening a man arrived dressed only in a pair of underpants but apart from that totally naked from head to toe. "Who do you think you are?" demanded the doorman. Having ascertained that the man was indeed an invited guest from the local university CS department the doorman asked "How shall I announce you?" The man said, "I'm premature ejaculation" "I'm very sorry sir", said the doorman in obvious shock, "I cannot announce anything like that to such a gathering." "O.K." said the professor. "Just say I came in my pants"
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Interview With Post Office
A guy applied for a job at a post office and got an interview. During the interview, the man mentioned that his penis got blown off in the war. The boss didn't care so much about that and they needed a mailman badly so he gave him the job. "Come in on Monday at 11:00. Everybody else comes in at 10:00, but I'll give you a break." "Why?" "Well, we don't have much to do in the morning, so we jack off for an hour or so."
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