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Husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed. The passion is heating up. But then the wife stops and says, "I don' t feel like it. I just want you to hold me." The husband says " WHAT???" The wife explains that he must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a woman. The husband realizes that nothing is going to happen tonight and he might as well deal with it. So the next day the husband takes her shopping at a big dept. store. He walks around and had her try on three very expensive outfits. And then tells his wife, "We 'll take all three of them". Then goes over and gets matching shoes worth $200 each. And then goes to the jewelry Dept. and gets a set of diamond earrings. The wife is so excited (she thinks her husband has flipped out, but she does not care). She goes for the tennis bracelet. The husband says "but you don 't even play tennis, but OK if you like it then lets get it.' The wife is jumping up and down. So excited she cannot even believe what is going on. She says, " I am ready to go, lets go to the cash register. " The husband says, " no no no, honey we're not going to buy all this stuff." The wife face goes blank. " No honey - I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while." Her face gets really red she is about to explode and then the husband says " You must not be in tune with my financial needs as a MAN!"
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Jesse James
Jessie James and his gang are attacking a train outside of Oklahoma City. As they go through each car, they line up the travelers and prepare to take all their loot. As Jesse entered the first car he yelled, "Okay, everybody, we're going to rape all the men and rob all the women!" Upon hearing this, his brother Frank turned to him and said, "ah, Jessie, don't you mean we're going to rob all the men and rape all the women?" With that said, a little fairy in the corner pops up and says..."Listen, you heard Jessie...he's the boss!"
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Two Appointments At Once
Q: Did you hear about the call girl who accidentally made two appointments at the same time?
A: She managed to squeeze them both in.
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