Counter Productive Pickup Lines

1. If you and I were squirrels, I could bust a nut in your hole.
2. How do you like your eggs: fried, scrambled or fertilized?
3. My love for you is like diarrhea; I just can't hold it in.
4. If your right leg was Thanksgiving, and your left leg was Christmas, then could I meet you between the holidays?
5. How about we play lion and lion tamer? You hold your mouth open, and I'll give you the meat.

I Can't Lie

I cannot tell a lie. You've started a revolution in my pants.

Kick The Pickle

A lady bought a jar of pickles every week. Each day she would put a pickle in the hole in her floor and start humping it.  Just then the mailman rings the doorbell and she gets up, kicks the pickle and gets the mail. The next day she does the same thing and screws the pickle. The mailman waits everyday, he looks in the window and sees her screwing the pickle then he rings the doorbell. The next day he gets a substitute to do his routes. He sneaks in the lady's basement and paints his dick green, so when she put the pickle in, he takes it out and sticks his dick in. The woman doesn't know it's not the pickle so she just screws it. Later on the substitute mailman rings the doorbell and then the lady kicks the pickle and gets the mail.