Condom Sponsors!

Imagine if major companies from all around the world started producing or sponsoring condoms. They would become fashionable and companies would probably advertise more openly.  Imagine the trademarks:

• Nike Condoms - Just do It! 
• Toyota Condoms - Oh what a feeling
• Ford Condoms - The ride of your life
• Sony Condoms - Do not underestimate the power of Sony
• Microsoft Condoms - Where do you want to go today?
• KFC Condoms - Finger Licking Good
• M&Ms Condoms - Melt in your mouth, not in your hands
• Coca-Cola Condom - The Real Thing
• Ever-Ready Condoms - Keep going and going
• Macintosh Condoms - It does more, it costs less, it's that simple
• Pringles Condoms - Once you pop, you can't stop

Pickle Slicer

Bill has worked in a pickle factory for several years. One day he confesses to his wife that he has a terrible urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer. His wife suggests that he see a therapist to talk about it, but Bill vows to overcome this rash desire on his own. A few weeks later, Bill returns home absolutely ashen. His wife asks, "What's wrong, Bill?" "Do you remember how I told you about my tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?" His wife gasps, "My God, Bill, what happened?" "I got fired." "No, Bill -- I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?" "Oh, um, she got fired, too."

Final Answer

A husband and wife are getting ready to go to bed. The husband says, "I thought we'd have sex tonight." The wife replies, "No, I'm too tired tonight." The husband says, "Is that your final answer?" The wife says, "Yes, it is, thank you." The husband says, "OK, then, I'd like to phone a friend."