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Sex Jokes
The Best Time?
Q: When is the best time to fake an orgasm?
A: When a rotteweiler is f**king your leg.
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Getting Excited at the Zoo
It's a beautiful, warm spring morning and a man and his wife are spending the day at the zoo. She's wearing a cute, loose-fitting, pink spring dress, sleeveless with straps. He's wearing his normal jeans and a T-shirt. The zoo is not very busy this morning. As they walk through the ape exhibit, they pass in front of a very large hairy gorilla. Noticing the girl, the gorilla goes ape. (No pun intended) He jumps up on the bars, and holding on with one hand (and 2 feet), he grunts and pounds his chest with his free hand. He is obviously excited at the pretty lady in the wavy dress. The husband, noticing the excitement, thinks this is funny. He suggests that his wife teases the poor fellow some more. The husband suggests she pucker her lips, wiggle her bottom at him, and play along. She does, and Mr. Gorilla gets even more excited, making noises that would wake the dead. Then the husband suggests that she let one of her straps fall to show a little more skin. She does, and Mr. Gorilla is about to tear the bars down. "Now try lifting your dress up your thighs and sort of fan it at him," he says. This drives the gorilla absolutely crazy and now he's doing flips. Then the husband grabs his wife by the hair, rips open the door to the cage, flings her in with the gorilla and slams the cage door shut. "Now, tell HIM you have a headache."
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Experimental Surgery
Jack goes to the doctor and says "Doc I'm having trouble getting my penis erect, can you help me?" After a complete examination the doctor tells Jack, "Well the problem with you is that the muscles around the base of your penis are damaged. There's really nothing I can do for you except if you're willing to try an experimental treatment." Jack asks sadly, "What is this treatment?" "Well," the doctor explains, "what we would do is take the muscles from the trunk of a baby elephant and implant them in your penis." Jack thinks about it silently then says, "Well the thought of going through life without ever having sex again is too much, lets go for it." A few weeks after the operation Jack was given the green light to use his improved equipment. He planned a romantic evening for his girl friend and took her to one of the nicest restaurants in the city. In the middle of dinner he felt a stirring between his legs that continued to the point of being uncomfortable. To release the pressure Jack unzipped his fly. His penis immediately sprung from his pants, went to the top of the table, grabbed a dinner roll and then returned to his pants. His girl friend was stunned at first but then said with a sly smile, "That was incredible! Can you do that again?" Jack replied, "Well, I guess so, but I'm not sure I can fit another dinner roll up my ass!"
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