Signs You Are A Loser

1. Your dog rather rub up against the wall than have you pet it.
2. All the numbers in your little black book start with "1-900."
3. Due to excessive hazing and ridicule, you decided to drop out of the Origami Club.
4. You were almost involved in a threesome, but your left hand fell asleep.
5. Fantasizing out loud before falling asleep is your idea of "pillow talk."
6. Your personal ad reads: "Seeking Anybody."
7. Next to your name in the phone directory, the phone number is replaced with the phrase "Who cares?"
8. You look forward to the dinner time calls from telemarketers.
9. The last time you were invited to a party, you were grooving to the lyric, "Put your right foot in, take your right foot out."
10. You spent last summer following around the 2000 Bible Belt Trekkie Convention Tour.

Wishing for Wine

While he was rooting around in the basement, a man found a magic lamp. When he rubbed it, a genie emerged in a huge cloud of pink smoke. "I am the all-powerful genie. I shall grant you one wish." The man thought about this, and decided that if there was one thing he couldn't get enough of, it was wine. "I wish I could pee wine. That's my wish." "Granted." And the genie disappeared. Later that day, the man's wife came home to find her husband naked, holding a glass. "Why only one glass?" asked her wife. "You're drinking out of the bottle tonight."

Beverly Hills

One day there were four people absent from class. The next day one of the boys came back to school, and the teacher asked where he was. He replied "On top of Beverly Hills." The teacher said "Okay." Then the next day, another boy came in and the teacher asked where were you? He replied "On top of Beverly Hills." The teacher said "Okay." The next day the third boy came in and the teacher asked "Where were you?" and he replied "On top of Beverly Hills". The third person came in and the teacher asked "Where were you?" Before the girl could say anything the teacher said "Let me guess, on top of Beverly Hills?" The girl said "No I am Beverly Hills."