How Older Guys Pick Up Chicks

I'm not the best looking guy.  Some would say I'm a little frayed around the edges these days. But, I have a nice motorcycle, a little money and I spend most of my time casually riding from place to place.  
I met a nice looking girl in the park the other evening. There was an instant spark between us.  She did this cute little dance then immediately dropped to her knees and lay on the grass at my feet.  
As we lay there making love, I thought, "Damn, these taser guns are really worth the money!"

Passing Hookers

A young boy on his way home from school must pass by a group of hookers. Everyday as he passes them, the hookers wave at him with their pinkies and say "Hi there little boy!!" One day the boy stops and asks one of the hookers why they always wave at him with their pinkies. They reply: "well, that is what size we imagine your penis to be... it is just a joke!" The next day on his way home, the hookers repeat the tradition. The young boy stops and drops his school books on the ground, sticks all his fingers in his mouth to stretch his lips very wide and mumbles through them, "HI THERE LADIES!"

Signs You Are A Loser

1. Your dog rather rub up against the wall than have you pet it.
2. All the numbers in your little black book start with "1-900."
3. Due to excessive hazing and ridicule, you decided to drop out of the Origami Club.
4. You were almost involved in a threesome, but your left hand fell asleep.
5. Fantasizing out loud before falling asleep is your idea of "pillow talk."
6. Your personal ad reads: "Seeking Anybody."
7. Next to your name in the phone directory, the phone number is replaced with the phrase "Who cares?"
8. You look forward to the dinner time calls from telemarketers.
9. The last time you were invited to a party, you were grooving to the lyric, "Put your right foot in, take your right foot out."
10. You spent last summer following around the 2000 Bible Belt Trekkie Convention Tour.