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Catch Another Ride
There were two little crabs who met in Florida every year. One year when they arrived, one little crab was shivering terribly. The other crab asked why and he said, "I got a ride here on a man's mustache. He drove so fast, I was freezing."
"Well," the other crab said, "why don't you hide up a lady's skirt next year. Then you won't be as cold." The little crab said, "Hey, that isn't a bad idea." A year later, the two crabs met at the same place, and the one little crab was shivering very badly again. The other crab asked if he had taken his advice and he said, "Yeah, I went and hid up a lady's skirt, but when I woke up in the morning I was on that's guy's mustache again!"
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Christmas Eve Cookie Dough
Every year, Grandma and her grandkids, Suzy, Jill, and Billy come stay with her over Christmas. And every Christmas Eve they would make a big bowl of cookie dough so they could make cookies on Christmas Day. And every time, the next morning the cookie dough would be gone. The grandma could never catch them, so this year she put metal bb's in the cookie dough. The next morning, the cookie dough was gone and soon Billy came running downstairs. ''Grandma something terrible has happened, I was jerking off in the garage and I shot the cat!''
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Divorced and Board
These two guys had each recently divorced and they swore they would never have anything to do with women again. They were best friends and they decided to move up to Alaska as far north as they could go and never look at a woman again. As soon as they arrived, they went into a trader's store and told the owner, "Give us enough supplies to last two men for one year." The trader got the gear together and on top of each one's supplies he laid a board with a hole in it with fur around the hole. Curiously, they asked, "What's that board for?". The trader said, "Well, where you're going there are no women and you might need this." They said "No way! We've sworn off women for life!" The trader said, "Well, take the boards with you and if you don't use them I'll refund your money next year". "Okay", they said and left.
Next year this guy came into the trader's store and said "Give me enough supplies to last one man for one year." The trader said, "Weren't you in here last year with a partner?". "Yeah", said the guy. "Where is he?", asked the trader. "I shot him", said the guy. "Why?", the owner asked quickly. "I caught him in bed with my board."
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