DOA Kitty

A kindergarten student told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was dead. "How do you know that the cat was dead?" she asked. "Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the child innocently. "You did WHAT?" the teacher yelled in shock. "You know," explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and it didn't move."

Late Again

A kid was late for school one day. "I had to take the bull down to mate with the heifer," he explained to the teacher. "Couldn't your father have done that?" "Sure, but the bull would have done a better job."

More Signs You Are Out of College

• Your refrigerator holds more solid foods than liquids.
• You've lost the thread on your favorite soap opera.
• 8 a.m. means shower and shave, not wake and bake.
• You file taxes with more than three digits.
• You hear your favorite songs in doctor's waiting rooms and when you're on hold with the bank.
• You're not carded anymore for anything.
• You carry an umbrella.
• You now know there's no such thing as "looking mature."
• You get your news from sources other than ESPN and MTV.
• Wine appreciation expands beyond Boone's and Mad Dog.
• Doing shots and smoking cigarettes guarantees midnight dry heaves and a sinus attack instead of midnight skinny dipping and a Big Mac attack.
• You go from 130 days to seven days of vacation time.
• You actually eat breakfast foods -- at breakfast time.