Code Word

There's this old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish who kept confessing to adultery. One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said,"If I hear one more person confess to adultery, I'll quit!" Well, everyone liked him, so they came up with a code word. Someone who had committed adultery would say they had "fallen." This seemed to satisfy the old priest and things went well, until the priest died at a ripe old age. About a week after the new priest arrived, he visited the mayor of the town and seemed very concerned.The priest said,
"You have to do something about the sidewalks in town. When people come into the confessional, they keep talking about having fallen." The mayor started to laugh, realizing that no one had told the new priest about the code word. Before the mayor could explain, the priest shook an accusing finger at the mayor and said, "I don't know what you're laughing about, your wife fell three times this week."

Nun In A Wheelchair

Q: What do you call a nun in a wheelchair?
A: A holy roller

Religious Golf Match

The Pope met with the College of Cardinals to discuss a proposal from Benjamin Netanyahu, prime minister of Israel. "Your holiness," said one of the Cardinals, "Mr. Netanyahu wants to determine whether Jews or Catholics are superior by challenging you to a golf match." The Pope was greatly disturbed, as he had never held a golf club in his life. "Not to worry," said the Cardinal, "we'll call America and talk to Phil Mickleson. We'll make him a Cardinal, he can play Netanyahu... We can't lose!" Everyone agreed it was a good idea. The call was made and, of course, Phil was honored and agreed to play. The day after the match, Mickleson reported to the Vatican to inform the Pope of his success in the match. "I came in second, your Holiness," said Mickleson. "Second?!!" exclaimed the surprised Pope. "You came in second to Netanyahu?!!" "No," said Mickleson, "second to Rabbi Woods."