An Amish Offense

Q: What goes: Clip clop, clip clop, clip clop, bang bang, clip clop, clip clop, clip clop?
A: An 'Amish' drive-by shooting

New Preacher

A young preacher was contacted by the local funeral director to hold a grave side committal service at a small local cemetery for someone with no family or friends. The preacher started early but quickly got himself lost, making several wrong turns. He arrived a half-hour late, the hearse was nowhere in site, and the workmen were eating lunch. The pastor went to the open grave and found the vault lid already in place. Taking out his book, he read the service.
As he was returning to his car, he overheard one of the workmen say: "Maybe we'd better tell him it's a septic tank."

Rabbi's Advice

"Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about it." The Rabbi asked, "What's wrong?" The man replied, "My wife is poisoning me." The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, "How can that be?" The man then pleads, "I'm telling you, I'm certain she's poisoning me, what should I do?" The Rabbi then offers, "Tell you what. Let me talk to her, I'll see what I can find out and I'll let you know." A week later the Rabbi calls the man and says, "Well, I spoke to your wife. I spoke to her on the phone for three hours. You want my advice?" The man anxiously says, "Yes." "Take the poison," says the Rabbi.