Timbuktu

It seems that two of the great Romantic British Poets, Shelly and Keats, died on the same day. When they got to heaven St. Peter said, "I'm sorry, but I only have room for one poet. I'll tell you what I'll do. Each of you must make up a poem using the word 'Timbuktu.' The one who creates the best poem I'll let into heaven."
So Shelly goes first. He thinks a bit and after a few moments, he starts, "I stood upon the burning sand, gazing at a far off land. A caravan came into view - it's destination: Timbuktu."
"Very good!" says St. Peter, "Keats it's your turn. Do you think you can top that one?"
Keats just smiled and started his poem: "Tim and I a hunting went, and found three maidens in a tent. Since they were three and we were two, I bucked one and Timbuktu."

Princess Di and Mother Theresa

You know how Princess Diana and Mother Theresa died around about the same time? Well they both went up to heaven. St. Peter met them at the entrance to the pearly gates. He said  "You both must show me something to prove your worth, going into heaven." Mother Theresa went first. She walked up to St. Peter and lifted her habit and flashed her breasts at him. He said "okay. Princess Di?" Princess Di smiled and walked over into the corner, did a squat and pissed. St. Peter gave it careful consideration. Finally he decided. "Princess Di. You're in. Sorry Mother Theresa, but a Royal Flush, beats two of a kind!!!!!"

Jewish Anthropologist

A Jewish anthropologist, Benny Steinfeld, was working in the desert near Israel when he happened upon an odd looking vase. After cleaning it he pried open the lid and was astonished when a genie sprang from the container and granted him 3 wishes. Steinfeld wished for enormous wealth, huge land holdings and a bevy of beautiful wives. All wishes were granted, but on one condition. Never again in his life could the anthropologist get a haircut or shave. To do so would mean instant imprisonment in the same urn in which the genie had been imprisoned. All went well during the first few years of his lavish lifestyle, but his beard and long hair became more and more of a problem. One day, during a moment of weakness and desperation he ran to the bathroom, grabbed some scissors and began cutting off his beard. Immediately his fortunes vanished, and he found himself trapped in the urn lying in the desert sand. The moral of this story? "A Benny shaved is a Benny urned."