Pink Floyd to Heaven

The three remaining members of Pink Floyd get in a car wreck and all three die. They are standing in front of the Pearly Gates when St. Peter comes up and says, ''Oh, Hi guys! We've been expecting you. Your really going to love it here, this is a great place and did you know that we even have our own band? We have Elvis Presley singing, Hendrix is playing guitar, Sinatra is on piano and Roger Waters, your old bandmate, is writing lyrics for us!'' David Gilmour replies, ''Roger is here? When did he die?''
St. Peter leans over and whispers in his ear. ''It's really God, but he thinks he's Roger Waters!''

Light Bulb - Atheist

Q: How many atheists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. Atheists question whether it's really light anyway.

Pope Buying New Car

The Pope walked into a car dealership one day to buy a car. A young salesman came out just as soon as the Pope walked onto the lot. ''Hello, can I help you?'' ''Yes, I'm looking for a car to drive to the Vatican.'' ''We have a wide selection, as you can see. As soon as you find one you like, come get me.'' So the Pope looked around and found a really nice sports car. The Pope didn't have his checkbook, so he said he would come back the next day to buy the car. The next day he came back and the car had pieces cut out all over the place. ''What did you do to my car?!'' the Pope yelled. ''I was just trying to make it holy for you.''