A Rabbi and a Priest on a Train

A Rabbi and a Priest were sitting together on a train, and the Rabbi leans over and asks, "So how high can you advance in your organization?"
The Priest says, "If I am lucky, I guess I could become a Bishop."
"Well, could you get any higher than that?" asks the Rabbi.
"I suppose that if my works are seen in a very good light that I might be made an ArchBishop," said the Priest a bit cautiously.
"Is there any way that you might go higher than that?"
"If all the Saints should smile, I guess I could be made a Cardinal"
"Could you be anything higher than a Cardinal?" probed the Rabbi.
Hesitating a little bit, the Priest said "I suppose that I could be elected Pope, but..."
So the Rabbi says "And could you be anything higher than that? Is there any way to go up from being the Pope?"
"What!!! I should be the Messiah himself!?!"
The Rabbi leaned back and said, "One of our boys made it."

Payment for Killing Birds

Three friends die and go to heaven. The first guy gets handcuffed to one of the ugliest girls there. ''Why?'' he asks. St. Paul replies, ''When you were nine you killed a bird with a stone.'' The same happens to the second guy. He asks why. St. Paul replies, ''When you were nine you killed a bird with a stone.'' The third guy laughs at his friends and says, ''Thank God I didn't do anything like that.'' He gets handcuffed to the prettiest girl in heaven. The other two guys ask, ''Why?'' ''Because when she was nine she killed a bird with a stone.''

Floating Condom

Reverend Smith visits Mrs. Jenkins, one of the elder parishioners in his church. Reverend Smith notices that on top of Mrs. Jenkins' organ sits a bowl which contains a condom floating in water. Befuddled, Reverend Smith asks her to explain this. "Oh, Reverend Smith," she replies, "I found that lying on the street corner, and the package said that if you put it on your organ and keep it wet that it will prevent disease. Frankly, I haven't been sick all year."