A New Priest

A new priest is being given instructions on what to do when he takes confession. The older priest tells the new man, for things like stealing, give 5 hail Mary's, and for sleeping with the neighbors, 10 hail Mary's. So the new priest is taking confession one day. The first man in tells the priest he slept with the woman next door. The priest tells him to do 10 hail Mary's and he's on his way. The next man in, confesses to having a wank behind a bush. Somewhat puzzled, the priest steps out of the confessional box and asks two passing alter boys what the "old man" gives for a wank behind a bush. The two boys reply, "A can of Coke and a Mars Bar."

In The Beginning...

When the new patient was settled comfortably on the couch, the psychiatrist began his therapy session. "I'm not aware of your problem," the doctor said. "So perhaps, you should start at the very beginning." "Of course," replied the patient... "In the beginning, I created the Heavens and the Earth..."

Three Hell's Angels

Three Hell's Angels are sitting at a table in a transport cafe when in walks a Nun, takes a seat next to them and begins to eat. Astonished, one of them says, "I went to my parents wedding last week and we all got wasted." Being quick on the up-take the second one says, "My dad says he will marry my mom next year." Despite this the Nun stays right where she is. In desperation the third one says, "My old man will never ever marry my mom." The Nun looks up from her food and says, "Would one of you bastards please pass the salt?"