New Yorkers at the Pearly Gates

Saint Peter was manning the Pearly Gates when forty people from New York City showed up. Never having seen anyone from the Big Apple at heaven's door, Saint Peter said he would have to check with God. After hearing the news, God instructed him to admit the ten most virtuous people from the group. A few minutes later, Saint Peter returned to God breathless and said, "They're gone!" "What? All of the New Yorkers are gone?" asked God. "No!" replied Saint Peter. "The Pearly Gates!"

Heaven Pick Up Line

Q: What time do you have to be back in Heaven?
A: Because I have to be back in my grave in about six hours.

Jewish Fly

A man goes into a bar and sits down to have a drink.  He notices that at the other end of the bar is the most attractive woman he has ever seen. He is immediately lust-struck and decides that he must have her.  He leans over to the bartender and asks if the bartender has any Spanish fly in the back.  The bartender says he will check and comes back a couple of minutes later with a small packet of white powder.  He says to the man,"this isn't Spanish-fly, we are all out of that, but this is just as good.  This is Jewish-fly, and it is guaranteed to get her over here within twenty minutes after she takes it!"  So the man forks over his $10 and asks the bartender to put the Jewish-fly into a champagne cocktail and deliver it to the gorgeous creature with his compliments.
The woman drinks the champagne cocktail and looks at our hero rather disinterestedly.  But about twenty minutes later she slinks off her bar stool,  she saunters across the room toward our hero in a most seductive manner, oozing sensuality (our hero is terrifically excited) she reaches him and puts one lithe arm around his shoulders and leans in close to his ear (he can feel her breath on his neck) and she whispers "Hey big boy, want to go shopping?"