Cockroach Killing

My wife is too afraid of cockroaches. One fine day, I heard a scream from my wife. She saw a cockroach and was screaming. I asked her to take the killing spray and to spray it on the cockroach. She took the spray and turned to me and said, "This spray is only to kill mosquitos, and how can it work for the cockroach?" I said to her, "Don't show the label to the cockroach."

The Honeymoon

A guy out on the golf course takes a high-speed ball right in the crotch. Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground, when he finally gets himself to the doctor, he says, "How bad is it doc? I'm going on my honeymoon next week and my fiancée is still a virgin in every way." The doc said , "I'll have to put your penis in a splint to let it heal and keep it straight. It should be okay next week." So he took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little 4-sided bandage, and wired it all together; an impressive work of art. The guy mentions none of this to his girl, marries, and on his honeymoon night in the motel room, she rips open her blouse to reveal a gorgeous set of breasts. This was the first time he saw them. She says, "You are my FIRST, no one has ever touched these breasts." He whips down his pants and says... " Look at this, it's still in the CRATE!"

Lottery Winner

A man comes home to his wife after winning the lottery. He asked her, "Honey, if I were to win the lottery, what would you do?" The wife becomes started by her husband's inquiry but replies, "Well I would take half of it and then leave you."
With a huge grin on his face, her husband says, "Perfect! I won ten dollars!"