Santa's Wife

Q: What does Santa call his wife at tax time?
A: A dependent Claus.

Sex Movie

A chap's wife is back on the warpath again. She was up for making a sex movie last night and all he did was suggest they should hold auditions for her part. The viewing will be Saturday from 7:00 till 8:30.

New Church Members

There were three couples, one elderly, one middle aged, and one newlywed, that wanted to join a church. So the minister tells them that in order to be members they must abstain from sex for two whole weeks. After two weeks, the minister asks the elderly couple if they had abstained. "Yes, no problem!" So the minister welcomes them to the church. Then he asks the middle aged couple the same question "Well, after one week, the husband had to sleep on the couch, but we made it!" So the minister welcomes them to the church. Then the minister asks the newlywed couple if they had abstained from sex for two weeks. "We were unable to abstain. On the third day, my wife dropped a bagel and when she bent over to pick it up, LUST and PASSION overcame me!" "I'm sorry," the minister says, "but you are both banned from this church!" "That's okay," says the husband, "We were banned from Starbucks too."