Some Years Ago

Some years ago, Michael J. Flanagan, a successful New York contractor, was standing on the deck of the Staten Island Ferry when a car got loose and sent him into the river where he drowned. The following Sunday his widow, all decked out in deepest black, was standing on the church steps after Mass, receiving condolences and enjoying every minute of it, when an old friend of the contractor came up. "I'm sorry, Mary, for your trouble," offered the friend. "Did Mike leave you well fixed?" "Oh, he did!" she said. "He left me almost a half million dollars." "Well now, that's not bad for a man who couldn't read or write." "Nor swim either," added the widow.

Say Again

I love my wife, but if she ever lost her hearing I'd have to leave her.
Till deaf us do part.

Overload

" My penis hurts really bad!" ...complains the patient. So the doctor asks: "Do you have a wife?" "Yes." "How many times do you have sex with her?" "4 times." "A week?" "No, a day" says the patient. "Do you perhaps have a mistress?" asks the doctor. "Yes." "And how often do you have sex with her?" "4 times." "A week?" "No, a day" says the patient. "Hmm. Well, see, this might be the cause of your problem..." says the doctor. "Really? And here I thought it was from the wanking."