Miss Right

I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was "Always."

Bull Auction

One fine Sunday afternoon, a couple goes to an agricultural show way out in the countryside and are watching the auctioning off of bulls. The guy selling the bulls announces the first bull to be auctioned off:
"A fine specimen, this bull reproduced 60 times last year."
The wife nudges her husband in the ribs, and comments, "See? That was more than 5 times a month!"
The second bull is to be sold: "Another fine specimen, this wonder reproduced 120 times last year."
Again the wife bugs her husband, "Hey, that's some 10 times a month.What do YOU say to that?!" Her husband is getting really annoyed with this comparison.
The third bull is up for sale: "And this extraordinary specimen reproduced 360 times last year!"
The wife slaps her husband on the arm and yells, "That's once a day, every day of the year! How about YOU?!"
The husband was pretty irritated by now, and yells back, "Sure, once a day! But ask the announcer if they were all with the same fat cow!!"

Dear Abby

Dear Abby,
My husband hasn't worked in 14 years. All he does is get dressed in the morning and hop in his fancy car to visit his cronies. He's cheated on me many times with young girls who could be his grand-daughters.  I know because he brags about it. He smokes fancy cigars and drinks expensive Champagne day and night. We sleep in separate beds because he`s always telling me he knows I`m a lesbian and my varicose veins and ugly face turn him off!  Should I clobber him with my frying pan or should I leave him Abby?
Your advice will be appreciated,
Mad as Hell.
Dear Mad as Hell,
You don`t have to take that kind of treatment from any man. I suggest you pack your bags and move out a.s.a.p.! Don't resort to clobbering him with the frying pan, that will only make things worse. Remember, you`re running for President of the United States, so try acting like it! 
Abby