Experimental Surgery

Jack goes to the doctor and says "Doc I'm having trouble getting my penis erect, can you help me?" After a complete examination the doctor tells Jack, "Well the problem with you is that the muscles around the base of your penis are damaged. There's really nothing I can do for you except if you're willing to try an experimental treatment." Jack asks sadly, "What is this treatment?" "Well," the doctor explains, "what we would do is take the muscles from the trunk of a baby elephant and implant them in your penis." Jack thinks about it silently then says, "Well the thought of going through life without ever having sex again is too much, lets go for it." A few weeks after the operation Jack was given the green light to use his improved equipment. He planned a romantic evening for his girl friend and took her to one of the nicest restaurants in the city. In the middle of dinner he felt a stirring between his legs that continued to the point of being uncomfortable. To release the pressure Jack unzipped his fly. His penis immediately sprung from his pants, went to the top of the table, grabbed a dinner roll and then returned to his pants. His girl friend was stunned at first but then said with a sly smile, "That was incredible! Can you do that again?" Jack replied, "Well, I guess so, but I'm not sure I can fit another dinner roll up my ass!"

No Score

On their first date, Sam asks Rosie what she’d like to do. Rosie replies, “Get weighed!” Sam finds this a curious request but takes her to the automatic scales outside the pharmacy. Then he suggests they go to the movies. After seeing the film Sam again asks Rosie what she wants to do. “Get weighed!” says Rosie. Again Sam takes her to the pharmacy to get weighed then suggests they have a meal. After dinner he asks what she’d like to do now. “Get weighed!” says Rosie. Sam is exasperated by these odd requests and after taking her to the pharmacy for another weighing drops her home. Rosie’s mother greets her at the door. “How was your date, darling?” asks her mother. “Wousy!” replies Rosie.

Open-minded Insult

Insult: Hey, you're not much of a looker, but I'll date you.
Response: Thanks. You must be very open-minded. Was that how your brain slipped out?