West Virginia Romance

The West Virginian and his gal were embracing passionately in the front seat of the car. "Want to go in the back seat?" she asked. "No," he replied. A few minutes later she asked, "Now do you want to get in the back seat?" "No," he said again, "I wanna stay here in the front seat with you."

Dumb Excuses

Dumb excuses that will guarantee you won't be invited out again! (unless of course your married and your wife makes you go!)  I'D LOVE TO BUT......

• I changed the lock on my door and now I can't get out.
• I feel a song coming on.
• I have to be on the next train to Bermuda.
• I have to bleach my hare. 
• I have too much guilt.
• I just picked up a book called "Glue in Many Lands" and I'm stuck on it.
• I never go out on days that end in "Y."
• I promised to help a friend re-fold road maps.
• I'm attending a perfume convention as guest sniffer.
• I'm having all my plants neutered.
• I'm making a home movie called "The Thing That Grew in My Refrigerator."
• I'm too old for that stuff.
• I'm too young for that stuff.
• I'm touring China with a wok band. I'm trying desperately to be less popular.
• I'm uncomfortable when I'm alone or with others.
• I'm waiting to see if I'm already a winner.
• My bathroom tiles need grouting.
• My chocolate-appreciation class meets that night.
• My mother would never let me hear the end of it.
• My yucca plant is feeling yucky.

Last Chance

Told my girlfriend she had one last chance to do something with my penis or we were through.
She's blown it.