Redneck Chimney

A redneck went to the hospital as his wife was having a baby. Upon arriving, he sat down as the nurse said to him, "Congratulations, your wife has had quintuplets, five big baby boys." The redneck said, "I'm not surprised. I have a penis the size of a chimney." The nurse replied, "You might want to consider getting it cleaned. They're all black."

Lemon Pennance

A guy goes into the church confessional and says, “Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. I slept with five different women last night.” The priest says, “Go home, squeeze five lemons into a glass, and drink it all as fast as you can.” “And I will be forgiven?” asks the man. “No,” the priest says, “but it will wipe that smirk off your face.”

Overload

" My penis hurts really bad!" ...complains the patient. So the doctor asks: "Do you have a wife?" "Yes." "How many times do you have sex with her?" "4 times." "A week?" "No, a day" says the patient. "Do you perhaps have a mistress?" asks the doctor. "Yes." "And how often do you have sex with her?" "4 times." "A week?" "No, a day" says the patient. "Hmm. Well, see, this might be the cause of your problem..." says the doctor. "Really? And here I thought it was from the wanking."