Lemon Pennance

A guy goes into the church confessional and says, “Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. I slept with five different women last night.” The priest says, “Go home, squeeze five lemons into a glass, and drink it all as fast as you can.” “And I will be forgiven?” asks the man. “No,” the priest says, “but it will wipe that smirk off your face.”

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" My penis hurts really bad!" ...complains the patient. So the doctor asks: "Do you have a wife?" "Yes." "How many times do you have sex with her?" "4 times." "A week?" "No, a day" says the patient. "Do you perhaps have a mistress?" asks the doctor. "Yes." "And how often do you have sex with her?" "4 times." "A week?" "No, a day" says the patient. "Hmm. Well, see, this might be the cause of your problem..." says the doctor. "Really? And here I thought it was from the wanking."

Marital Parts Conversation

A husband said to his wife, "I will take a photo of your breasts and frame it."
The wife said to her husband, "I will take a photo of your penis and enlarge it."