Do You Know How to Have Sex?

A man walked up to a farmer's house, and knocked on the door. When the farmer's wife opened the door, the man asked if she knew how to have sex. Not amused, she slammed the door. Again, the man knocked, and again, he asked the same question. Again, she slammed the door and screamed, "Get the hell away!" Later, she told her husband of the incident. He said he would stay home the following day just in case. Sure enough, the next day the same man returned. The husband hid with his gun while his wife answered the door. When she was asked again if she knew how to have sex she said, "Yes!" The man replied, "Great! Give some to your husband the next time you see him, and tell him to keep away from my wife!"

Italian Virgin Newlyweds

Two Italian virgins marry and go on their honeymoon. Unfortunately, neither knows what to do when they get there. The newlyweds call the groom's mother for advice. The mother says that they should sit on the bed together, snuggle, and things should happen from there. The newlyweds do this, but nothing happens. The groom calls his mother back. She says they should take their clothes off, get under the covers, and nature should take its course. The bride and groom take his mother's advice, but still nothing comes to mind. He calls his mother a third time. Getting frustrated with the situation, she says, "Listen, just take the biggest thing you have and stick it in her hairiest spot!" The groom is quiet for a moment and then asks his mother, "I've got my nose in her armpit -- now what?"

Marriage Counseling

After 20 years of marriage a husband and wife go to counseling. When asked what the problem is, the wife breaks into a passionate tirade of every problem they've ever had. Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the therapist gets up, walks over to the wife, makes her stand up and kisses her very hard. The woman shuts up and quietly sits down. The therapist says to the husband, "This is what your wife needs at least three times a week. Can you do this?" After a moment the husband replies, "Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays I fish."