Paddy's Curtains Are Open

Joe says to Paddy, "Close your curtains the next time you're shagging your wife. The whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday."
Paddy says: "Well the joke's on them stupid bastards because I wasn't even home yesterday."

Front Desk Call

A man calls the hotel front desk. "Hello how I may I be of assistance sir?"
"I NEED YOU TO SEND SOMEONE TO MY ROOM RIGHT AWAY."
"Calm down Sir, what seems to be the problem?" "My wife is trying to jump out of the window..." "Oh that sounds like a personal matter, I'm afraid we cannot involve ourselves."
"Listen here you smart-ass, the window isn't opening up and that's a maintenance matter!"

Mother In Law With Broom

John looked up to see his mother-in-law walking toward the front door carrying a broom. "Tell me," he said to her, "are you going to clean house with it or fly away on it?"