Bumper Stickers

• If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?
• Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
• A closed mouth gathers no feet.
• A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
• A penny saved is ridiculous.
• All that glitters has a high refractive index.
• Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
• Anarchy is better than no government at all.
• Any small object when dropped will hide under a larger object.
• Death is life's way of telling you you've been fired.

Holiday Nuts

Think I may be getting a vasectomy for Christmas. Just overheard my girlfriend tell her mom she was taking me to see the nutcracker.

Skeleton Dinner

Q: What do Skeletons say before eating?
A: Bone Appetite.