Baseball vs Law

Q: What is the difference between baseball and law?
A: In baseball, if you're caught stealing, you're out.

Cheap One Too...

An old man and his son had a one-horse farm where they barely made a living. Then, one day, the son hit the lottery and won $50,000. The young man rushed into town, collected his money, then hurried back home. He ran across the field, told his father the news, and handed the older man a $50 bill. The father looked at the money for a moment and then said, "Son, you know I've always been careful with what little money we had. I didn't spend it on whiskey or women. In fact, I couldn't even afford the license to legally marry your Ma." "Pa!" the young man stammered, "do you know what that makes me?" "Yep," said the old man fingering the $50"... "and a cheap one, too."

Your Family Is So Poor

Your family is so poor, when I went to your house I stepped on a cigarette and your Daddy shouted, “Hey, who turned off the heater!”