Scottish Regiment

A Scottish private walks into the pharmacy near his bases, pulls a beat-up, mutilated condom out of his pocket, and asks the pharmacist how much it would cost to repair the condom. The pharmacist replied that including replacing the band and spot welding the holes, it would cost 26 pence, but that for 29 pence, he could sell the private a new one. The private said, "Aye, that is a weighty decision, I shall be back in two hours with an answer." Two hours later, The Scotsman returns and says: "The regiment has voted to replace."

Down Under

I'm a sexual health doctor for the lower ranks of the military.
I inspect the privates.

Marine Confession

A Marine enters the Catholic Church confessional booth in Jacksonville. He tells the priest, "Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. Last night, I beat the hell out of an Obama supporter."
The priest says, "My son, I am here to forgive your sins, not to discuss your community service."