Costume Party

A self-conscious bald man with a peg leg is invited to a costume party. The shop owner at the costume shop shows him a lifeguard costume. The man says, "No, no. I can't wear that. It will show off my peg leg." Next, the shop owner brings out a monk costume. The man says, "No, no. I can't wear that. It will show off my bald head." The annoyed shop owner returns with a five-pound bag of caramels and says, "Take these home, melt them, pour them all on your head, stick that peg leg up your ass and go as a caramel apple."

Dress for Success

I saw 2 guys wearing matching outfits,
and I asked if they were gay. 
They arrested me.

Get What?

Person 1: "Where'd you get that?"
Person 2: "Get what?"
Person 1: "That stupid look on your face!"