True Definitions

1. Fine - I am right. This argument is over. You need to shut up.
2. That's Okay - One of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. "That's okay" means she wants to think hard and long before deciding when and how you'll pay for your mistake.
3. Nothing - The calm before the storm. This means "Something" and you better be on your toes. Note: Arguments that start with "Nothing" usually end with "Fine" (See #1).
4. Five Minutes - If getting dress, this means half an hour. (Don't be mad about this. It's the same definition for you when it's your turn to do some chores around the house.
5. Thanks - A woman is thanking you. Do not question this or faint. Just say, "You're welcome," and let it go.
6. Loud Sigh - Not actually a word but rather a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. It means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is standing here wasting her time arguing with you about "Nothing." (See #3)
7. Go Ahead - This is a dare, not permission. (Don't Do It!)
8. Don't worry about it, I got it - The second most dangerous statement a woman can make. It means that a woman has asked a man several times to do something and is now doing it herself. (This will result in you asking at a later date, "What's wrong?" For the woman's response, see #3.)

The B Word

The only B word you should call a woman is beautiful
Because bitches love it when you call them beautiful

The 9 Types of Girlfriends

Ms. Nice Guy - "Tickets to the boxing match? Oh Darling, you shouldn't have".  Also known as: What a gal, precious, one of the boys, my main squeeze, doormat.  Advantages: Cheerful, agreeable, kindly.  Disadvantages: May wise up someday.
Old Yeller - "You G-D spineless good-for-nothing drag-ass no-talent son of a bitch! Can't you see you're making me miserable??"  Also known as: She-Devil, Sourpuss, the Nag, My Old Lady, Warthog from Hell.  Advantages: Pays attention to you.  Disadvantages: Screeches, throws frying pans.
Sickly - "Oh, my head. My head. My feet. My cramps. My cellulite".  Also known as: Whiner, Mewler, Glumpy.  Advantages: Predictable.   Disadvantages: Contagious.
The Bosser - "Stand up straight. Put on a different tie. Don't give me that look."  Also known as: Whipcracker, The Sarge, Ms. Know-it-all, Ball and Chain, yes Mom.  Advantages: Often right.  Disadvantages: Often right, but so what?
Ms. Vaguely Dissatisfied - "I just can't decide. Should I switch my career? goals?"  Also known as: The Fretter, Worrywart, Typical, Aw c'mon Honey.   Advantages: Easily soothed.  Disadvantages: Even more easily perturbed.
Wild Woman out of Control - "Lez get drunk an' make love on a front lawn. Also known as: Fast girl, free wheeler, good time charleena, passed out.  Advantages: More fun than a barrel of monkeys.  Disadvantages: Unreliable; drives off cliffs.
Huffy - "I see nothing humorous in those silly cartoons you keep snickering at".  Also known as: No fun, humorless prig, Cold fish, Chilly proposition, iceberg, Snarly.  Advantages: Your friends will feel sorry for you.    Disadvantages: You will have no friends.
Woman from Mars - "I believe this dance will explain how I feel about you". Also known as: The Babbler, Spooky Girl, Screwball, Loony, Bad News, Artistic.  Advantages: Entertaining, unfathomable.  Disadvantages: Will read her poetry aloud.
Ms. Dreamgirl - "I am utterly content with you just the way you are".  Also known as: Ms. Right, Goddess, Knockout, Perfection, Gorgeous.  Advantages: Funny, intelligent uninhibited.  Disadvantages: Will have nothing to do with you.