The Top Signs That You Have A Boring Job

1. You're introduced to everyone as "The Minesweeper God."
2. You have visited every website in the world.
3. You're the Spelling Bee Coordinator in rural Alabama.
4. You are the only one that is ready for the rush of ticket sales for that New Kids on the Block reunion tour.
5. You're able to pull staples out of papers with your teeth.
6. Your doctor says that he's never seen someone exposed to so much photocopier radiation in his life.
7. You've seen the late night commercial for the Chia Dildo.
8. Your workload is so intense that you can write Top 10 lists all day long.
9. In your 10 years on the force as an Amish Traffic Cop, you have not had to write one single speeding ticket.

New Job Vocabulary

Blamestorming: Sitting around in a group discussing who's to blame for a missed deadline or a failed project.
Chainsaw Consultant: An outside expert brought in to reduce the employee headcount, leaving the top brass with clean hands.
Cube Farm: An office filled with cubicles.
Prairie Dogging: When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on.
Ego Surfing: Googling one's own name.
Keyboard Plaque: The disgusting buildup of dirt and crud found on computer keyboards.
Ohno Second: That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a huge mistake.
SITCOMs: Single Income, Two Kids, Oppressive Mortgage.
Stress Puppy: A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny.
Treeware: Printed documentation or paperwork.
Xerox Subsidy: Free photocopies from one's workplace.

Want Ads

• Illiterate? Write today for free help.
• Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again.
• Our experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included.
• Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children
• Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.
• Stock up and save. Limit: one.
• Semi-Annual after-Christmas Sale
• 3-year old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred.
• Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating.
• Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion. Blue Cross and salary.
• Dinner Special -- Turkey $2. 35; Chicken or Beef $2. 25; Children = $2.00
• For sale: antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.
• Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.
• We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.
• For sale. Three canaries of undermined sex. Great Dames for sale.
• Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition.
• Tired of cleaning yourself. Let me do it.
• Vacation Special: have your home exterminated. Get rid of aunts. Zap does the job in 24 hours.
• Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast.
• For Rent: 6-room hated apartment.
• Man, honest. Will take anything.
• Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated. Come here first.
• Christmas tag-sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person.
• Wanted: Hair cutter. Excellent growth potential.
• Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.
• Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops.
• Wanted. Widower with school age children requires person to assume general housekeeping duties. Must be capable of contributing to growth of family.
• And now, the Superstore-unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled inconvenience.
• We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for $1.00.30. Free Beer!!. Tomorrow!