Show And Tell...

The teacher asked the students to bring one electrical appliance for "Show & Tell," and the next day every kid had something. The teacher asks Wendy: What did you bring? "I brought a Walkman." "And what is it for?" "You can listen to music with it!" "That's nice Wendy. What did you bring Kenny?" "I brought a 'lectrical can opener, it opens cans!" "Well done, Kenny. Umm, Johnny, I see you didn't bring anything!" "Yes, I did. It's in the hall." So the entire class goes into the hallway. "Umm, Johnny, what is that?" "It's a heart/lung machine hospitals use to keep your heart going." "Whoa. What did your father say about you bringing this?" "He said, 'AAAARRRGGGH!!!'"

Tomato Soup

Mommy, Mommy! I don't like tomato soup!
Shut up, we only have it once a month.

Need a Hotel Room

There was an Englishman, an Irishman and a Scottish man. The Englishman went into a hotel and asked for a room. The hotel lady said, "Yes, first door on your left." So, the Englishman went into the room, and heard a voice saying, "First I'm gonna bite your head off, then I'm gonna bite your arms off." The Englishman got scared and ran out the room screaming. Then an Irishman asked for a room. The lady said, "Yes, first door on your left." The Irishman went in and heard a voice saying, "First I'm gonna bite your head off, then I'm gonna bite your arms off." The Irishman ran out the room screaming. Then the Scottish man came into the hotel and asked for a room. The lady said, "Yes, first door on your left." The Scottish man heard a voice saying, "First I'm gonna bite your head off, then I'm gonna bite your arms off, then I'm gonna bite your legs off." So, the Scottish man turned on the light and saw... a kid eating gummy bears in the corner.