No Santa Babies

Q: Why doesn't Santa Claus have any kids?
A: Cause he only comes once a year!

Need a Hotel Room

There was an Englishman, an Irishman and a Scottish man. The Englishman went into a hotel and asked for a room. The hotel lady said, "Yes, first door on your left." So, the Englishman went into the room, and heard a voice saying, "First I'm gonna bite your head off, then I'm gonna bite your arms off." The Englishman got scared and ran out the room screaming. Then an Irishman asked for a room. The lady said, "Yes, first door on your left." The Irishman went in and heard a voice saying, "First I'm gonna bite your head off, then I'm gonna bite your arms off." The Irishman ran out the room screaming. Then the Scottish man came into the hotel and asked for a room. The lady said, "Yes, first door on your left." The Scottish man heard a voice saying, "First I'm gonna bite your head off, then I'm gonna bite your arms off, then I'm gonna bite your legs off." So, the Scottish man turned on the light and saw... a kid eating gummy bears in the corner.
 

Life of Jesus

Our children's Sunday School classes were presenting their end of the year program for the congregation - telling about the life of Jesus. When it came to the part about Jesus' miracles, one little boy said, "Yes, Jesus raised Lazarus from the dead!" The teacher urged him to tell us more. He said, "Well, Jesus told them to open the tomb, and then He said, 'Lazarus, come out!' And it's a good thing he didn't just say 'Come out!' because there would have been a stampede of dead guys."