Teaching Moment

A man is driving his five-year-old to a friend’s house when another car races in front and cuts them off, nearly causing an accident. “Douche bag!” the father yells. A moment later he realizes the indiscretion, pulls over, and turns to face his son. “Your daddy just said a bad word,” he says. “I was angry at that driver, but that was no excuse for what I said. It was wrong. But just because I said it doesn’t make it right, and I don’t ever want to hear you saying it. Is that clear?” His son looks at him and says: “Too late, douche bag.”

Inlaws vs. Outlaws

Q: What is the difference between inlaws and outlaws?
A: Outlaws are wanted! (or You can shoot outlaws!)

Shagging Twins

My friend told me he was shagging his girlfriend's twin.
I said: "You lucky thing! But how do you tell them apart?"
"Oh that's easy," he said, "Her brother has a mustache."