Aged Mother

With the help of a fertility specialist, a 65 year old woman has a baby. All her relatives come to visit and meet the newest member of their family.
When they ask to see the baby, the 65 year old mother says, "Not yet." A little later they ask to see the baby again. Again the mother says, "Not yet."
Finally they say, "When can we see the baby!?"
And the mother says, "You'll have to wait until the baby cries." And they ask, "Why do we have to wait until the baby cries?"
The new mother says, "Because I forgot where I put it!"

Beebee's in the Cake

A mother is making a cake for her three sons when she accidentaly dropps some BB from the shelf into the batter. She decides that it won't matter and continues to make the cake. Later that day, her sons eat the cake and don't even notice the BBs. The next day, when the mother is reading a magazine on the couch, one of her sons runs in saying, ''Mom, mom, I pissed out a beebee!'' She says ''That's okay, son. I accidentaly dropped some beebees into the cake batter. You'll be fine.'' Five minutes later, one of the other sons, come running in and he says, ''Mom, mom, I-'' but the mother cuts him off and she says, ''I know, I know, you pissed out a beebee. I dropped it into the cake batter, but you'll be fine.'' Then her last son runs in the room, and he says, ''Mom, mom, I-'' and the mother cuts him off and says, ''I know, I know, you pissed out a beebee. It's my fault for dropping it in the cake batter, but you'll be fine.'' But then son says, ''No, no, I was masturbating and I shot the dog!"

Play it Again

Q: My son asked me what it was like to be married.
A: I deleted all the music off his iPod except one song.