Father's Day Breakfast

On Father's Day, a little boy decides to make his dad breakfast in bed. He makes scrambled eggs, toast and coffee. He brings it into his dad, hands him the cup of coffee and says,''Try it dad.'' The dad takes a sip and nearly passes out because it is so strong. The little boy asks, ''How do you like it Dad?'' The dad doesn't want to hurt the little boy's feelings so he says, ''This is... something else, I've never tasted coffee quite like this before, Son.'' The little boy smiles from ear to ear. And says, ''Drink some more Pops.'' As the dad is drinking, he notices two army men in the bottom of the cup, and says,''Hey! Why did you put army men in here?''
The little boy again smiles and sings,''The Best Part Of Waking Up, Is SOLDIERS In Your Cup.''

Mom's Church

My mom was the kind that'd send us to church but didn't go... She'd give us scripture and didn't even know it. She just made up books. ''Cause in the Book of Ricky, it says you should give your mama five percent of your gross income.'

Dead Beat Dad to Heaven

A dead beat Dad died and went to Heaven. He was greeted at the Golden Gates by St. Peter, who warmly shook his hand and asked him to sit down next to him. Looking over the dead beat Dad's file, St. Peter frowned and shook his head sadly. ''Your record looks fine, except for one glaring item. Why the hell didn't you pay child support for your six kids?'' The man jumped up. ''Child support?! All God said in Genesis was 'Be fruitful and multiply.' He didn't say nothin' about supporting them!'' St. Peter smirked: "That part of Genesis was God's Italian wife's recipe for marinated steak, buddy -- Beef, fruit, fuel, and a mallet apply.''