Mom's Church

My mom was the kind that'd send us to church but didn't go... She'd give us scripture and didn't even know it. She just made up books. ''Cause in the Book of Ricky, it says you should give your mama five percent of your gross income.'

Dead Beat Dad to Heaven

A dead beat Dad died and went to Heaven. He was greeted at the Golden Gates by St. Peter, who warmly shook his hand and asked him to sit down next to him. Looking over the dead beat Dad's file, St. Peter frowned and shook his head sadly. ''Your record looks fine, except for one glaring item. Why the hell didn't you pay child support for your six kids?'' The man jumped up. ''Child support?! All God said in Genesis was 'Be fruitful and multiply.' He didn't say nothin' about supporting them!'' St. Peter smirked: "That part of Genesis was God's Italian wife's recipe for marinated steak, buddy -- Beef, fruit, fuel, and a mallet apply.''

French Relative

Q: What do you call an angry French relative?
A: A croissant.