Get Out of Bed

It was 5:00 a.m and the father went to his son, Shawn's bedroom door, knocked and said, "Son, it's time to get up. Jump in the shower and we've got to leave ASAP to catch any fish." Soon it was 5:30 and dad had the coffee brewing, the boat hooked up and he just finished packing the truck, when he noticed Shawn still wasn't up. Furious the dad pounded on his son's bedroom door a second time and yelled, "Jesus rose from the dead and you can't even get out of bed!" To which the son replies, "Yeah, but it took Jesus three days!!"

Is That a Record?

A woman meant to call a record store but dialed the wrong number and got a private home instead.
"Do you have 'Eyes of Blue' and 'A Love Supreme'?" she asked.
"Well, no," answered the puzzled homeowner. "But I have a wife and eleven children."
"Is that a record?" she inquired.
"I don't think so," replied the man, "but it's as close as I want to get."

Sass

Praying that my young daughters sass helps her lead a company someday and not a prison gang