Hamburger

Mommy, Mommy! I don't want hamburgers for supper!
Shut up or I'll grind your other hand.

Visiting Grandpa's Farm

A young boy was visiting his grandfather's farm when one day he walks out behind the barn and sees his grandfather playing with himself. The boy says, "What are you doing grandpa, jacking off?" Grandpa replies, "No sonny, just jacking!"

Mixed Emotions

Q: What's the definition of mixed emotions?
A: When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.