Condom Usage

An old man finds a condom in his grandson's apartment and asks what it is. "It's a condom," replies the grandson, sheepishly. "What do you use it for?" asks Grandpa. The grandson is embarrassed, so he says, "I use it to keep my cigarettes dry when I smoke in the rain." Grandpa says, "That's a great idea." He goes to the drug store and asks the pharmacist for a condom. "What size would you like?" asks the pharmacist. "Big enough to fit a Camel."

Prom Date

It was the night of prom, and Sally didn't have a date. Her brother felt sorry for her and decided to help. He offered to take her. She was reluctant, but finally gave in. At the dance, they just sat there. Her brother offered to dance. She was reluctant, but finally gave in. After the dance, her brother took her to Makeout Mountain. She was reluctant, but finally gave in. It got hot and heavy, and they ended up having sex. Afterwards, she turned to her brother and said "Man, you're better than Dad!" "Yeah, that's what Mom says, too!"

Hush Money

It cost me five thousand dollars to look up your family history.  A thousand to look it up and four thousand to hush it up.