Depressed Over Mother In Law

Why Steve, you're so depressed today, what's the matter? Ah, well, I have had a quarrel with my mother-in-law. She swore to me she wouldn't talk to me for a month!! Then what is so bad about it? You should celebrate the event!! No, no, see...that was four weeks ago, and today is the last day!

Husband Looks Bad

The doctor came out of the operating room to talk with the man's wife. "I don't like the looks of your husband," he said. "Neither do I," said the wife, "but he's not home much, and he's great with the kids."

Condom Usage

An old man finds a condom in his grandson's apartment and asks what it is. "It's a condom," replies the grandson, sheepishly. "What do you use it for?" asks Grandpa. The grandson is embarrassed, so he says, "I use it to keep my cigarettes dry when I smoke in the rain." Grandpa says, "That's a great idea." He goes to the drug store and asks the pharmacist for a condom. "What size would you like?" asks the pharmacist. "Big enough to fit a Camel."