Jokes about Families

Dad's Will

A man was telling his buddy "You won't believe what happened last night.
 
My daughter walked into the living room and said, "Dad, cancel my allowance immediately, forget my college tuition loan, rent my room out, throw all my clothes out the window, take my TV and my laptop. Please take any of my jewelry to the Salvation Army or Cash Converters.  Then, sell my car, take my front door key away from me and throw me out of the house.  Then, disown me and never talk to me again.  Don't forget to write me out of your will and leave my share to any charity you choose."
 
"Wow," replied the friend, "she actually said that?"
 
"Well, she didn't put it quite like that.  She actually said, 'Dad, meet my new boyfriend -- Mohammed.  We're going to work together on Biden's election campaign!'"
 

Categories: Political Jokes (About Democrats) , Jokes about Families (Daughter Jokes)
Anonymous

Blame Duke

There once was a man who was going to the movies with a beautiful girl. Before he went, he made the mistake of eating a jumbo can of beans. Right after he picked her up, he felt the need to fart, but he figured he could wait until they got to the movies. When they got there, he asked her if she wanted some popcorn and Coke. She said sure, so he went to the restroom. The line was long, so he went back to the lobby, got the food, and went back into the theater. When the movie was over, he went to the bathroom again, still with a tremendously long line. He figures he can wait until he drops her off. When they pull up into her driveway, she exclaims, ''Oh goodie. My grandparents are here. Come on in and meet them.'' He agrees, despite his situation. They go in and sit down at the table. Finally, he couldn't hold it in any longer a tried to let it seep out a little at a time. As he squeezed out a toxic blast, he aimed it towards the family's hound dog Duke, in hopes that they might blame the pooch for the horrendous fart. The girl's father stands up and hollers ''Duke!!'' and sits back down. ''Great!'' he thought. ''They really think it's the dog!'' So, he starts bombarding the room with a couple, more powerful, louder stinkers. Once again, the girl's father stands up, shouts ''Duke!!'' and sits back down. Finally, he lets it all go and the loudest most hair-curling fart you've ever heard or smelt rippled through the dining room. The girl's father stands up again. ''Duke, get the hell out from under him before he shits on you!!''

Categories: Gross Jokes , Animal Jokes (Dog Jokes) , Funny Thoughts , Jokes about Families (Father Jokes) , Relationship Jokes (Dating Jokes)
Anonymous

Hungry Dad

"Dad, I'm hungry."
"Hello hungry, I'm Dad."
"Dad, I'm serious."
"I thought you were hungry?"
"You're kidding me!"
"No, I'm Dad."

Categories: Word Play Jokes , Jokes about Families (Father Jokes)
Anonymous
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