Yo Mama - Pregnancy Test

Yo mama so stupid, she went to the doctor for a home pregnancy test.

The Hog

There is a drunk guy in a bar and a big, fat woman with a parrot on her shoulder. She sits by the drunk guy and he looks over at her and says, "Where'd you get that hog?" She looks at him and frowns. He takes a few more drinks, then he says, "Where'd you get that hog?" She looks and says, "I'll have you know, this is not a hog, this is a parrot!" The dude says, "Well I'll have you know, I was talking to the hog."

Insulting at Christmas

How to be Insulting at Christmas: Refuse to give any guests a drink, on the grounds that it's for their own good not to drink and drive. Have plenty of soft drinks to offer them though. Then pour yourself a large Scotch, on the grounds that you aren't going anywhere and don't have to worry.