Turkey Football

The pro football team had just finished their daily practice session when a large turkey came strutting onto the field.  While the players gazed in amazement, the turkey walked up to the head coach and demanded a tryout.  Everyone stared in silence as the turkey caught pass after pass and ran right through the defensive line.  When the turkey returned to the sidelines, the coach shouted, "You're terrific!!! Sign up for the season, and I'll see to it that you get a huge bonus."  "Forget the bonus," the turkey said, "All I want to know is, does the season go past Thanksgiving Day?"

After Thanksgiving Scale

You'll be so fat after Thanksgiving your scale will read "Game Over."

Thanksgiving Forecast

Turkeys will thaw in the morning, then warm in the oven to an afternoon high near 190F. The kitchen will turn hot and humid, and if you bother the cook, be ready for a severe squall or cold shoulder. During the late afternoon and evening, the cold front of a knife will slice through the turkey, causing an accumulation of one to two inches on plates. Mashed potatoes will drift across one side while cranberry sauce creates slippery spots on the other. Please pass the gravy. A weight watch and indigestion warning have been issued for the entire area, with increased stuffiness around the beltway. During the evening, the turkey will diminish and taper off to leftovers, dropping to a low of 34F in the refrigerator. Looking ahead to Friday and Saturday, high pressure to eat sandwiches will be established. Flurries of leftovers can be expected both days with a 50 percent chance of scattered soup late in the day. We expect a warming trend where soup develops. By early next week, eating pressure will be low as the only wish left will be the bone.