Rejected Public Holidays

12 Start of Christmas Season Day
11 False Labor Day
10 Make a Move on Your Secretary Day
9 Hallmark Card Day
8 Bring Your Handgun to Work Day
7 Newtsmas
6 Deadbeat Father's Day
5 Bad Hair Day
4 Put Your Daughter To Work Day
3 Doris Day
2 St. Hooter's Day
and the Number 1 Rejected Public Holiday... 1 Hash Wednesday

New Year's Warning

Q: What happens if you drink so much that you lose your glasses?
A: The rest of the night will be a blur.

Emotion Costume Party

A lady is throwing a party where each guest shows up as their favorite emotion. A guest arrives dressed in green. "Envy!" she says, and lets him in. A lady comes dressed in red. She says, "Anger!" and lets her in. Two naked guys walk up to the front door. One guy is holding a bowl of pudding with his penis stuck in it, and the other guy has his penis in a hollowed-out pear. "Wait a minute," she says to them. "This is supposed to be an emotion party!" The first guy says, "Yeah, and I'm f**king dis-custard." The second guy says, "And I'm deep in dis-pear."