Holidays

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Holly
Holly who?
Holly-days are here again!

Irish Daughter

An Irish daughter, gone for five years, comes home for New Year's Eve. Upon her return, her father cursed her. "Where have ye been all this time? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old mum thru?" The girl, crying, replied, "Sniff, sniff... Dad... I became a prostitute..." "Ye what!!? Out of here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You're a disgrace to this family." "OK, Dad -- as ye wish. I just came back to give mum this luxurious fur coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion plus a savings certificate for $5 million." "For me little brother, this gold Rolex and for ye daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that's parked outside plus a membership to the country club... (takes a breath)... and an invitation for ye all to spend New Years' Day on board my new yacht in the Riviera, and..." "Now what was it ye said ye had become?" says dad. Girl, crying again, "Sniff, sniff....a prostitute dad! Sniff, sniff. "Oh! Be Jesus! Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a Protestant. Come here and give yer old man a hug."

Mother's Day Wind Down

On Mothers Day, the mother of three little kids was showered with kisses, hugs, cheerios for breakfast in bed, dandelions from the yard, and crayon drawings. As much as she loved it, all the activity made the house a bigger mess than usual. After a long day, she finally got the kids in bed. All she wanted to do was clean up and relax.
She put on an old gown from the back of the closet, went into the bathroom and coated her face with thick, white facial cream. Then she started washing her hair.
But the kids were not settling down. She could hear them talking, giggling, jumping on the beds. Finally in exasperation she wrapped her head in a towel, ran into their bedroom and sternly told them to calm down and go to sleep.
After she left, she overheard the youngest one ask, “Who was that?”