Rejected Public Holidays

12 Start of Christmas Season Day
11 False Labor Day
10 Make a Move on Your Secretary Day
9 Hallmark Card Day
8 Bring Your Handgun to Work Day
7 Newtsmas
6 Deadbeat Father's Day
5 Bad Hair Day
4 Put Your Daughter To Work Day
3 Doris Day
2 St. Hooter's Day
and the Number 1 Rejected Public Holiday... 1 Hash Wednesday

New Year's Warning

Q: What happens if you drink so much that you lose your glasses?
A: The rest of the night will be a blur.

Top 10 Reasons For Santa's Raise

10. The hours, the weather, the trend toward smaller chimneys.

9. Nike won't give him a lucrative side-contract.

8. Reindeer and elves have unionized, driving up his cost.

7. New tax on flying sleighs.

6. Insurance for flying a sleigh has tripled over the past two years.

5. Needs extra cash to cover off-season gambling losses.

4. Air traffic controllers demanding higher kickbacks.

3. Cost of living increase at the North Pole.

2. Children don't leave as many cookies as they used to.

1. The Mrs. told him to.