Three Wise Men

In a small southern town there was a beautiful Nativity Scene that showed great skill and talent had gone into creating it. Yet one small feature bothered me. The three wise men were wearing firemen's helmets. Totally unable to come up with a reason or explanation,  I left.
At a local gas station on the edge of town, I asked the lady behind the counter about the helmets. She exploded into a rage, yelling at me, "You stupid Yankees never do read the Bible!"  I assured her that I did, but simply couldn't recall anything about firemen in the Bible.  She jerked her Bible from behind the counter, ruffled through some pages and finally jabbed her finger at a passage. Sticking it in my face she said  "See, it says right here, 'The three wise men came from afar.'"

Darth Vader Christmas

Darth Vader: "Luke!" <mechanical breathing> "I know what you're getting for Christmas!"
Luke: "No. No. That's not true. That's impossible!"
Darth Vader: "Yes, Luke. I have felt your presents."

Signs Christmas Has Become To Commercial

• You don't recall that line from It's A Wonderful Life saying, "Every time a cash register rings, a customer enjoys never-before year-end savings at Try-N-Save!"
• Your kid makes a fortune trading in "Elmo futures."
• Salad Shooter in hand, Michael Jordan shows up as the honorary "4th wise man" in new nativity scenes.
• The impossible-to-get "Tickle Me Jesus". 
• Santa's Coyote/Ford-powered sleigh came in second in this year's Indy 500.
• Wise Men now arrive carrying Faux Gold, The Clapper and a Chia Pet.
• WWF presents "Oh, Holy Night" Cage Match pitting, The Three Wise Men against Jumping Joseph, Manic Mary and the Dangerous Manger Boy!
• Santa goes to Yankees in blockbuster trade for the slightly heavier Cecil Fielder.
• Rudolph demands Holiday Pay or he walks.
• Santa's North Pole operation announces a corporate downsizing amidst rumors that the Elf Division will be sold off to Keebler.
• Reindeer rights purchase by Disney results in odd-sounding, "On Doc, on Happy, on Grumpy, on Sneezy. Now Bashful, now Dopey, now Eisner and Sleepy."
• $, the holiday formerly known as Christmas.
• Rather large Nike logo emblazoned across His Holiness's pointy hat during Midnight Mass at St. Peter's.
• The Baby GAP's line of Swaddling Clothes (TM)
• Michael Jackson buys all rights to the phrase "Ho, Ho, Ho" -- an injunction limits Santa to "a bemused facial expression and laughter not exceeding two syllables."
• Image of Virgin Mary appears in Dennis Rodman's hair.