Gift for Valentine's Day

A couple had been looking at new cars for months. He wanted a simple truck and she wanted a fast little sports car so she could zoom through traffic and look like a princess. He would have settled for almost any old truck, but everything she wanted was way out of price range. "Look!" she said. "I want something that goes from 0 to 220 in 5 seconds or less. Valentine's Day is coming up and you should surprise me with something really really great this year!" Soon Valentines Day arrived and she un-wrapped her brand new bathroom scale.

Christmas Eve Dyslexic

Let's spare a thought for dyslexic children around the world this Christmas eve.
Lying awake in bed, worried sick about having Satan climb down their chimney.

3 Christmas Blondes

Q: What do you call 3 blondes under a Christmas tree?
A: Ho-Ho-Ho!